This past six months has been a whirlwind of a ride for me. There has been so much that has changed and so much that I wish that I would have shared here. I feel like I could have kept such good track of everything that went on with myself had I paid a little more attention to this blog. That’s all in the past, though.
I gained a lot of weight; I’m in the 190’s now. Crazy, yeah? I looked in the mirror a month or two ago and, for the first time in a really long time, I was really happy with what I saw. For years now, my weight has been a prevalent issue on my brain and it took a lot out of me. I was really uncomfortable in my skin and I felt like there was nothing that could make me feel better about the way I looked and, since I did virtually everything I could to gain weight, there was nothing I could do to change that. Apparently I didn’t try one thing: pizza. Trust me, it works.
I started smoking cigarettes. Then I quit smoking cigarettes. I don’t quite know why I started or what the appeal was. I think that I was just trying to find my new look, my new personality, my new presence. Smoking seemed like it fit into the life I was trying to live but I just can’t get past the years I spent begging all those around me to quit and the many times I told myself that I wouldn’t do it. You can’t knock it until you try it though, right?
I said those three dreaded words then dreaded that decision. I took it back and now everything is a big mess. Not really a mess, more of a hollow shell of what it used to be.
I fought with a lot of people and said/did a lot of terrible things but I can’t really think of one person right now that I have any major issues with. I realized how much effort I put into maintaining a sense of chaos that could just go towards being calm and I sought out to fix it. Thankfully it isn’t an impossible (or improbable) task. What’s more is I learned that a lot of the stress I face centers around my job. Between my less-than-desirable coworkers (some not all), the ridiculous amount of hours/work I put into it, and the contemptible people that come in there, it’s just not a place for me.
All-in-all, life is changing around me and I feel like I’m adapting well. I’m really happy.