Dear Person,

You went from being a permanent fixture in my life to a lingering thought and I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating that is. The worst part about it is the amount of effort I have put forth to ensure that you would never fade… So much effort wasted. I should be numb to this by now because, after 21 years, I have seen countless people walk in and out of my life and the lives of others; not to mention the fact that it will happen until the end of time. I have acknowledged that and accepted it but I cannot seem to grasp that concept when it comes to you. I keep telling myself that I wont think and write and obsess about you and the memories wen shared but actions and words are two different things, aren’t they? I keep wanting to look back on the softer moments but then I remember the rough ones and I hate you. I shouldn’t hate you because you have done nothing wrong. I merely talked myself into feeling something that wasn’t there and you tried time after time to guide me to the light that would lead me from my dark path. I fought against you because I thought I could handle it but, apparently, that was just another example of me trying to drive across the country with half of a tank of gas… in a hummer. With all that said, I just want to promise you something - as well as myself. I promise to make this year different for us… by ensuring that there is no us. I cannot allow myself to fall back into that and I pray that you never feel the way you once felt about me. Midway through the year, I want to be your friend again. However, right now is not the time. I think that I should take a break from writing about you or thinking about you or talking to you or wanting to go back to any and everything. I do not wish to be malicious, I wish to be better. Better, however, is something that we will both have to work extremely hard for… something that we will both have to want. I think that I meant it when I said it and I feel like the emotions were real, but those feelings no longer linger in my skin or run through my veins. The feelings I once had for you have faded and my head is now clear. I wish the best for you and hope that this year supplies you with all you need. You will always be a facet in my life but I cannot force you to be prevalent. I wont do it you and I wont do it to myself.