Dear Person,

I thought I had something to say about. I thought I felt something for you. I thought that there was more in me that had a desire for you… but I’m beginning to think that that was all a lie. I think I found something consistent and I tricked myself into feeling something that wasn’t really there in fear of losing it. I found something amazing in you but I know that if I gave someone else the time of day, I could find so much better. Instead, I torture myself daily. I force myself to feel for you and to want from you. I make you a permanent fixture in my life while I continue to be a pawn in yours.

Then my brain switches… I start feeling my heart drop. I look back on the words I’ve sent to you and I despise myself. I feel anger and rage begin to take over my body as I pray that something goes array and you never receive my words. I start to look back on all my memories with you and without you. I tell myself that I’m in love.

I can’t keep fighting myself; especially not for you. I’m starting to believe that time apart isn’t such a bad thing.