February 2012
5 posts
beginning of the end of the beginning:
There are a ton of things circling around my brain right now and I think the best thing for me to do is to sit down and focus on what I really want out of life and to decide upon the path that will ultimately lead me to my future. Part of me, as capricious as this sounds, really wishes that this was the year of Earth’s demise; that this was the beginning of the end or the end of the end....
4 tags
letter three:
Dear Person,
I thought that I had shaken all thought of you and that everything in me that bled any memory of you was gone but I was obviously mistaken.
“A drunken mind speaks a sober heart.” I wish that I could just chalk that up to myth and propaganda but it is probably the truest thing anyone has ever said. I find myself wanting to be around you and wanting to revert back to all...
thinking, thinking:
I feel like I’m trying to over-explain something that is so simple. I need to learn to focus and simplify my life. There’s no reason it took fifteen minutes to write that.
3 tags
letter two:
Dear Person,
I keep telling myself that I don’t want to talk to you about what’s been going on but I’m talking to myself about it… I am a firm believer that if something doesn’t effect you, you don’t think about it, speak about it, obsess about it. That isn’t the case here. I find myself going over a script in my head; finding the right words to describe...
January 2012
5 posts
decisions:
I’ve been thinking, lately, of moving everything back over to this blog; of collecting myself and reassembling my thoughts here. I feel like I get distraught and distracted trying to keep up with three different sides of myself. The worst part of that being that this blog is two years old - two fucking years - and it gets the least of my attention. I look back and see all the effort and time...
posttalent:
Mauverneen
—————
Remember New...
wanna fuck with your neighbors/friends?
fill a cup with ice, go out on your balcony, porch, street, whatever, then scream “i am jesus and these are my children!” immediately after, throw the ice and calmly walk back inside.
4 tags
letter one:
Dear Person,
You went from being a permanent fixture in my life to a lingering thought and I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating that is. The worst part about it is the amount of effort I have put forth to ensure that you would never fade… So much effort wasted. I should be numb to this by now because, after 21 years, I have seen countless people walk in and out of my life and the...
3 tags
letter forty three:
Dear Person,
This wasn’t your year… but that doesn’t mean that it’s time to give up. Promise me that you will give your all these next seven days. Promise me that you will resist temptation and fight all that acts against you. Promise me that you will do everything in your power to ensure that you get back on track. Promise me that you will go back to being that man I...
December 2011
11 posts
I have to figure out where it has all gone. I have been here for nearly two years and I don’t wish to forget everything that has gotten me here.
unfinished:
I spent the last year of my life fighting myself for something that I thought that I wanted - and something that I thought was receptive of me. I allowed myself to hate everything around me because I felt that it all had an active hand in my demise and shortcomings. I starved myself and stuffed myself. I disputed the mirrors in front of me; swearing that the person looking back was not myself but...
3 tags
letter forty two:
Dear Person,
This could have been one for the books. This could have been ours. Instead, I’m alone and you’ve forgotten. Just the way it should be. Thank you.
5 tags
“people just do the strangest things when they believe they’re entitled…...”
– Joseph Keenan (John Goodman), Red State
3 tags
the beginning. the end. →
breaking branches:
i remember being young and wanting to climb trees all of the time. i remember falling from them and getting scratched and scrapped; running home with blood trailing down my legs and arms. i think back on the times i was upset or when everything seemed to be going to shit and i look a few moments ahead of that initial anger and see myself in a tree thinking. sitting on a branch and letting your...
Everything I write sounds stupid. It’s as if I have no feelings, ideas or thoughts anymore. I am envious of the person I used to be.
3 tags
4 tags
letter forty one:
Dear Person,
Fuck you… and everything you stand for. I fell for it; just like everyone else. You utilize your past to get you everywhere and that is the worst thing a person can do. You haven’t faced anything in this lifetime. You don’t know pain. Instead, you throw all of your faults in the faces of others and thrust your life out into the limelight for all to see. You create...
text post:
The things that I have done and the people I have seen… There are no words. I find myself searching for them and fighting to pick the right ones to convey everything that I feel, but I can’t. There are times when I think about the things that I have put myself through and I can’t help but be disgusted with my actions. I think about the people I have hurt and the steps I took to...
November 2011
9 posts
3 tags
letter forty:
Dear Person,
One day I’ll tell you the truth about everything. I love you.
walking alone:
I appreciate everyone that plays a role in my life on any spectrum… but my life would go on if I had nothing. I don’t think that people should need others to become something. I fear that we worry too much about the acceptance and approval of others that we forget what we’re really living for. My purpose for writing here is to remember what I feel and felt. It’s a personal...
2 tags
all that i can do:
Right now, more than anything, I want to know what it is like to love. I want to know what it is to wake up and go to bed with one thought on your mind. I want to know what real pain is. I want the struggle. I want the fighting and the hatred. I want to love and be loved. Right here. Right now.
4 tags
letter thirty nine:
Dear Person,
I thought I had something to say about. I thought I felt something for you. I thought that there was more in me that had a desire for you… but I’m beginning to think that that was all a lie. I think I found something consistent and I tricked myself into feeling something that wasn’t really there in fear of losing it. I found something amazing in you but I know that...
the rain:
I don’t really know what it is about today - maybe it’s the rain - but I just want to crawl into a ball and sleep the day away. Since I woke up this morning, nothing has really been wrong, but nothing has seemed right. I think that I’m just being temperamental or something. Maybe it’s my man time-of-the-month. Maybe there’s just a bunch of stuff on my mind…...
4 tags
letter thirty eight:
Dear Person,
Can we just decide upon Thursdays?
4 tags
letter thirty seven:
Dear Person,
I meant to write you a long time ago… and I kind of wish that I had. Part of me feels like you take up more space than you’re worth in my life, but a greater part of me doesn’t mind that; hell, it welcomes it.
I don’t know what to make of you anymore. When I met you, I knew exactly what you would be to me and, to this point, you have been the exact opposite...
i have a lot of letters to write. i guess i can make it a week-long thing. post one every day. yeah. that’s it.
October 2011
12 posts
3 tags
3 tags
letter thirty six:
Dear Person,
I forget what I wanted to say to you because it just doesn’t seem important anymore. Instead, I’ll keep it short and simple for you. I thought. I desired. I gave up. I remembered. I fought. I lost. I moved on. I tried. I did. I’m not trying to diminish everything I have with you but it doesn’t sound like a bad idea right now.
5 tags
“women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”
– Timothy Leary
2 tags
“if everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough.”
– Mario Andretti
1 tag
“we are always the same age inside.”
– Gertrude Stein
4 tags
unfinished works:
I lost faith in you a long time ago… but that didn’t stop me from holding on. By the end of the summer, I had forgotten my last interaction with you and that was the way I liked to leave things off. I didn’t want to remember how bad you had hurt me or how good it had felt. I didn’t want to think of anything pertaining to you. Thinking only led to exploring, exploring to...
3 tags
letter thirty five:
Dear Person,
I once felt connected to you. I felt like, with time, I could open up to you and get to know you. I felt that you would one day become someone extremely important to me. Much to my dismay, however, you’ve proven to me on several occasions that I need to learn to open a book and read it thoroughly before casting judgement. I don’t know much about you and I don’t...
2 tags
we're brothers:
chris: what do you want?
terry: you called me!
chris: oh, yeah... are you sober?
terry: yeah...
chris: why don't you come pick me up from the airport?
terry: no, way. you're lying.
chris: wait, what?
terry: there is no way! you swear you're in dallas, at the airport?
chris: (laughs) no. i'm in maine. i won't be there until... a while.
4 tags
letter thirty four:
Dear Person,
You taught me so much about myself and I think that’s why I love you so hard. Two years ago, I would have never seen myself pouring my heart out to you - or anyone else, for that matter. I wouldn’t have guessed that I would open up to another person so much. I have given you every bit of me, really. I have never been so open with a person in my life. After all that I...
September 2011
13 posts
1 tag
fragile moments:
I don’t like to look back on things too much. I like to take moments as they come, deal with them, and then move on. Lately, though, that hasn’t really seemed like much of an option for me and that sucks. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and do things differently. I wish that I could take back my words and actions and go about things in a completely different manner, but I...
3 tags
“give them any other day but thursday. it belongs to me. every thurdsday,...”
– Lonely Star, The Weeknd
times are a-changing:
I remember when I used to be obsessed with tumblr; when I had to take a 24-hour break from it (that nearly killed me). It was intense. Insane. Now, I feel like things are different. I feel like I no longer have that motivation or drive that kept me here for so long and that kind of frightens me. I shouldn’t be in this zone… but I could also be making something out of nothing. I want to...
10 tags
1 tag
